Okay I guess this one maybe an impertinent and sudden topic, but it’s what I’m going through now, so yah, just move on!
Well a few months ago, I was devastated. Distance was a dreadful factor that applied to my previous relationship. I could have handled it, but there was another factor that took it’s part. My studies, her studies, my future and her’s, and one private matter that I cannot mention on this article for it would be grave, it would release darkness upon my life and cute dwarfs.
And during the time, I’ve spent weeks thinking and thinking, asking myself “Should I do it?” “Should I buy the blue pen? or the black pen?”
It was two weeks in, during the meditation and reflection upon this matter, and I came to a conclusion. I decided to let my partner go, let her be prosperous without my observance, let her find love, better love from someone else, let her fly guiltless to whatever she does. It was a noble decision according to a friend of mine, I thought it was too. I needed her future to be well, and mine as well, and I didn’t want to battle against this “private matter” for it would, like I said, release darkness and cute dwarfs.
Two months after the sad occurrence, I’m here writing an article about it. I can say that I haven’t fully moved on yet. I still feel that loneliness and that “miss you” feel. But I dare not crack, for I wish not to decide or take on actions when lonely. I mean, throughout my life, I’ve been reckless with my decisions, and I made all of it while being under the spell of “loneliness”, I wouldn’t want to repeat the mistake again.
At first when it happened, it was happy go lucky for me, first month was like “oh goodness, I think I’ve moved on” and then a day after that month “oh damn, this sucks I haven’t moved on yet”
There was a time during this month, I was boasting to Norm (a friend) how free I was, how much I didn’t care anymore, how I “fully” moved on. He was glad for me of course, and just after he left, I saw my ex tweet something about a crush and things like that. From seeing that I suddenly felt my chest imploding, butterflies flew around my stomach, I was jealous.
And from that realization, I came to another conclusion that I didn’t fully move on yet. Moving on is hard, extremely hard, especially when you’ve sacrificed everything for the credibility of the opposite side, it just gets harder. Though the action was noble and brave, the consequences were daring. You can never be away from jealousy and things like that.
Moving on is a tough feat but I’ve distracted myself by drowning my ears in music and brain with books, and now I found another hobby, blogging. Though these small things would distract myself from the truth, the pieces of life, memories, and grandiose occasions with my past partner, shall never immediately die out.