My mind is a desolate place

Mind the gap...
Mind the gap…

Have you ever been to a desert? Or at least seen one on those souvenir gift cards? Well that’s a basic image of what my mind is right now. Devoid of all color or bearable warmth, my mind is a desert. Imagine a retirement home with no patterned wall papers nor old folk to lighten up the atmosphere but a home ofย white and gray. My mind’s an unlit hearth diffusing nothing but an atrocious smell of burnt wood.

Alone
This is how my mind feels like.

Why is that? Well, I don’t know. My mind’s been dormant for a while now, though I try to access ideas in it none would open themselves to me, it’s been extremely blank and frustrating. Funny how my brain seems to refuse to work for me but itself, but aren’t we one in whole?

And the fact that I can’t conjure an interesting idea or story to share sucks, maybe I’m just a really boring person or the life I currently live doesn’t reap anything or maybe… maybe nothing at all.

But I do agree that my life’s been a wee bit unproductive and redundant and it’s chafing my patience. I’m sixteen and turning seventeen in a week and we all know that at this age (according to those older than me) a person finds who they are, I think that it really is true. I used to live a reclusive life as a younger teenager, boisterously living about not caring what I looked like, picking up random clothing and wearing anything just for the heck of it. And listening to whatever the radio plays and eat whatever mom and dad provides and compose what I do everyday with what is trending.

English: Last Dinosaurs Group Photo
My favorite band – Last Dinosaurs

But now? I actually care about my social life, about how I look; fashion , about what music I listen to and about the bands that created the music! About what I REALLY want, not what others want for me, I create myself! I find myself.

Though trying to combine all these wants and interests I find it slightly difficult to know the truth, the truth of what I really am. Time would only tell. I still have lots to go through like surviving college, living alone and tending to my own needs, decisions that require only myself to agree or disagree to, and to consent myself without my parents to back me up.

English: Phrenology diagram. From People's Cyc...
English: Phrenology diagram. From People’s Cyclopedia of Universal Knowledge (1883).

I don’t know how it got to a teenager’s perception of change and the search for oneself, because I never really had an original idea at the first place, but I did get something to share at the end! ( Even though it popped out at the last minute )

Still though, I really hope I could come up with another idea next time. Well since you’ve reached this concluding paragraph, I’d like to thank you for it! Thanks for reading! And if you’re ever my age? I hope you got to realize a few things here. If not? Well, it’s hidden between the lines. I hope your wit deciphers the subtle messages behind it.

Well alright, Adios guys!ย [ Here’s a question – “Who” and “What” are you? ] Feel free to share your answer below ! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Ivan Matthew

Hi! I'm Ivan. Reality is I sucked at English 101 but I love to read and write stuff. Thanks for passing by.

3 thoughts on “My mind is a desolate place”

  1. I find the part about you turning seventeen really interesting! Because I’m nineteen and don’t know who I am just yet ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thanks ate ๐Ÿ™‚ but I’ve come up with a my own end though – it’s that we don’t really know what we are but we somehow just “be” – I mean change is inevitable and maybe when we finally find out who we are we’d just change all of a sudden. Which if is true would suck, kind of like NOT knowing the meaning of life which itself is already hard to find out. I’m a slightly depressed guy so I come up with all these thingamadoodles :)))) And I guess I won’t be finding myself soon, but sooner or later maybe xD

      1. We’re not close, but you’re slowly becoming one of my favorite people on the Internet. That’s really cool, Ivan ๐Ÿ™‚ We have Philosophy classes in Ateneo, and yet most people just don’t “get it” the way you do.

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