Just putting this one up here for later use. I might have to scroll down a bit to see this which is a good thing because hopefully I would be writing a lot more. Weird as well because usually I’d think about a sentence for quite a time and this time I’m just.. typing.
I’ll be going back to college in not more than a month and to be honest I dread it. I just hate it. When I go there I feel alone and damn I’m kinda tired of being “strong” for the wrong reason. It seems worthless if not only for me being there to become a licensed architect, but anything else? NAH. It’s a dread to stay strong man.
Stay strong being alone, despite the numerous people I’ve talked to, and stay strong to be used to that. I guess I’m just pissed off at the feeling that people just don’t really want to connect or when they do they come for me to refill their empty heads because they have nothing else to do. I’m sick of the fakeness of it all.
Stay strong trying to act as mediator between the language barriers I have to FACE every day there. I mean I want some communication but I just hate being fake about it. But I have to because man being myself just doesn’t make the cut and believe me I’m NOT awkward.
I’m calling myself out to focus because truthfully I NEED to stay strong for the brighter part of the small globe I’m on.
I need to focus on me getting out of there. I study, graduate and leave. It’s literally a sacrifice, a sacrifice for a long time I never accepted. Back then when all this never happened I was excited. Excited to meet new people, to learn new things (which I did) and just explore this path I haven’t traversed yet and I was so damn excited about it. I did get to do all that but I didn’t expect it to be like what it is, which I’m sure shouldn’t be as how I’ve experienced it. So it’s a sacrifice and an act of patience for me to try to do that again once I get a clear opportunity to do so, a clean slate.
I’m staying strong for myself. Not for anyone but for myself and I need to focus on that. I’m staying strong because I want to have a beautiful future with the people that matter to me most and I need to focus on that. I’m staying strong because I know that I am strong I don’t need to try to – I need to focus on that.
Being in a place that’s so different can do so many things to you. It can make you or break you. I choose to be broken. Broken into a person I knew I always should have been. In three years time, Cebu, you will be a memory. Something I want to keep as forever – I will focus on that.
This won’t stop me from coming back though because man, the beaches are so nice.
Here’s a song that I just recently put on replay for the past hours. Enjoy.