Family

I haven’t been writing a lot, especially last 2016, I’ve only put a few posts up here and it really has been a while. One cool thing that I realized was how long this blog has been up here. It’s 2017 and five years ago from now was the birth of this blog, that’s a LONG while. I never had any goal back then I just wanted to write and still up until now that has been its purpose. Writing truly is an art – instead of colors you manipulate words and ultimately like any piece of art create feeling and emotion through your work.

I’d like to talk about family. Today is the last day of my Christmas vacation – a twelve day span of bonding and goodness. Exactly an hour after now I’ll be taking an Uber to the airport and I’m off, back to Cebu where the grind is back on.

Cebu’s hectic I tell you, there is so much to do – every step I take puts me closer to my goal of becoming an architect, the only thing that pulls me back sometimes is the lack of family, I’m alone there – most of the time. Yeah yeah friends are great I’ve made precious relationships and I can really consider them family but “family” the true originals will never be the same.

My vacation here consisted of that, visiting and revisiting old memories and relatives – more or less it’s been a nostalgic ride to memory lane, where the old stayed old as if the last ten years never passed and the young grew up so fast for me to comprehend. Things change so quickly but despite time taking its toll nothing ever disconnected family.

I lived the past days in a condo unit my uncle owned, who lives in the US right now, with my brother and cousins. It was a great time getting to know their lives now and recall what it was years back – meeting their friends and just having a good time.

Ultimately I needed this, it was a break off what seemed to me a world that would never change, my reality – but to only realize that what I am going through is just another fantasy, my real world is where my family is.

By the way, Happy new year! Let’s smash 2017!

I Tell Myself To Shutup Everyday

Shutting yourself up might sound harsh and self deprecating – comedians might have a pass for it, given that it’s funny – but generally from the surface it really is, but hear me out. I really had no title for this because all I wanted to do was discuss the sudden transformation in my life that I allowed myself to have and put it up for someone else to read – in hopes that it might pass the idea on for some reader to give themselves their own chance to transform. Mid thought I might be overhyping this not realizing how normal this could be – I’m writing about it anyway.

Listen, I have (or had, still have some though) anxiety and issues with self belief. Literally everything I did came with some form of doubt “Is this thing I think I know actually right??” “Is what I’m doing helping a bigger purpose??” “Am I able to provide the world of any value?????” A lot of the times I’d say no. This caused anxiety – even to the point where it developed further to approach anxiety and the anxiety to BE MYSELF.

To put a few things into perspective disbelief and anxiety made me do worse in things I thought I couldn’t do (Which I could perfectly do!). I never allowed myself that natural human ability to figure things out you know – I thought I never could. Highschool became a dread because of low test scores and my narrow minded generalization that THAT defined who you were – I thought I was a dumbass. Now wait a second – you might be thinking it’s because of the family I had, the environment I lived in daily, NO it wasn’t – this was a personal thing. It’s a second life I hid, beyond it were fake smiles, laughs and from an unknown source a social personality.

It’s my 4th year right now in college and just now did I realize – it was all in my head. Remember those questions I mentioned? I tell you I had ten times more. Just a when they come up I tell myself to shut the HECK up! It’s almost like building a mental wall, whenever similar thoughts occur I tell myself to shutup and go on with life.

The main idea was to create space for the more important ideas and thoughts like current problems that needed solving and thinking most especially of their solutions. Whenever some random dude starts complaining how “hard” it is in my head, I give it a quick smack and tell em’ to SHUT UP!

Currently I can’t say I’m perfect I still feel trickles of anxiety and disbelief – of course I would, I’ve had to deal with it for a LONG while, you can’t expect something part of you to just dissipate so easily. To a point I might think this is a mental illness, I recall as a kid I never felt any of this. Now that I’m twenty and have experienced much of that – it puts others who are in a worse situation in the right perspective for me and into perspective how mental health is just as important as physical health.

It’s so easy for others to tell you to just shrug it off, to tell you to think “positively” or to compare yourself to others who are worse off and appreciate the blessings you have and that’s good, it’s the right step forward to healing but if you are experiencing anything you feel might turn into something serious get some professional help when you can.

On Thinking Too hard.

As an Architecture student, I strive to get past myself (I’m not sure about others but that’s me). You could go so far thinking about Architecture as compositions of columns, beams and walls and spaces, but I believe it’s more than that.Just a year ago I approached an impenetrable wall. It was so high – too high in fact that I thought “crap, how am I suppose to get over this?”. It was a wall between me and my own creativity.

You see, creativity was something I had to really  seek, not like others who already had it from the start and went along with it for their whole lives, and I used to be that kind. Anything goes, but I was very young back then, playing with LEGOS, drawing and experimenting, and it really is true! The older you get, most of the time, you lose that inner creativity. Lucky enough I took such an amazing course that forcefully released that inner self of mine shouting to get out. Back to the wall.

I distinctly remember myself taking down notes and sketching ideas on a black notebook I bought and ended in a loop every “new” (redundant) idea I had. I literally went no where. It was as if the day repeated itself all over again every SINGLE time. I never really realized it then, but I was thinking too hard. You see, Creativity I believe is nonchalant and free and given that it’s something I believe is unique in every one. It’s not something you think about, it’s just there waiting for you to free it. From what I learned the Thinking shackles the Creativity.

Okay okay I know what you’re thinking “How the hell can y995071_701617313225186_1915145818609813432_nou come up with ideas if you don’t think??” Well here’s one question I have for you “Can you tell me in full detail how you think?” You can get away with the “I first analyse this and that then arrive into a conclusion bla bla bla” but really can you? Can you visualize the stuff going on in your brain on the moment you read that question? I think not. That previously quoted line is a form of thinking too hard, from it you usually get nothing but floppy ideas that literally can’t stand on its own.

Amazing idea are the ones that just pop into your head, when you don’t think about it (Spoiler : We’re all creative!). It’s not something you wait for or think about but rather a reaction to something (Spoiler 2 : Inspiration). The idea is your subconscious’ reaction to the world, to a problem or to whatever needs ideas. That’s why many articles on creativity always tell you “Just Relax!” “Just do something!” because ideas are inspired and not thought about. Then once you get a harness with that “idea” That’s when you reinforce it and guide it with the thinking. It’s basically how creativity and logic work hand in hand.

Now a “year” has passed and I’m here writing this.  I too remember myself scratching my head for an idea to write about, I never really expected that the “idea” itself would be the topic of the day (Wow!) I myself still fall into the trap of thinking too much, maybe because of frustration, stress?, pressure or just trying to catch up. Even though I always put myself into a passive state, looking for that inspiring moment and I tell you – It never fails! (To get into the mood I sometimes hum random tunes or even do things I don’t like; an example? Dishes)

We think too much, maybe it’s time to slow down and just let life take over (for a while). That’s what we need in a world of robotic jobs and taken for granted days. Just a pause.

Here’s a song that inspired me to write this. Initially I wanted to write a poem of what I wanted to do, but then I thought of the catalyst to all forms of writing. 

Symptoms Of Bibliophilia [Beware]

So you’re here, why? I don’t know it really depends but I’m assuming you are frightened, frightened for you life most probably because Bibliophilia is a serious condition. It has no cure and when one acquires any of these symptoms just one, well the person is definitely with no doubt what so ever suffering it.

Bibliophilia is experienced everywhere, to anyone and at any time. Despite the random probability of it happening, not much carry such profound “disease” let’s say. If you’re thinking that you suffer from it, then do please have a look at this short list of my discoveries as a Bibliophile.

You suffer chronic Bibliophilia when :

1. You Cannot Stop Reading

It could be about anything, but the main root cause is this simple act. The act of consistently reading all day at all times whatever the reading material may be. It could be the newspaper from a week ago or a random receipt from Starbucks (Interesting stuff you could find there!)

2. You Cannot Move On From A Book After Finishing One

This my friends is one solid symptom that could just smack you in the face saying “You’re a Bibliophile bro” But moving on is one thing and moving on from a BOOK is another. Bibliophiles cannot get this horrible symptom down, never has anyone done it.

3. You’d Rather Smell Like A Book Then The Fancy Better Smelling Perfumes

Okay this I have to agree with, numerous times I’ve caught myself rubbing a newly opened book on my face celebrating each sniff I made during that. I know it’s weird but I suffer bibliophilia.

4. You Believe That The Spine of a Book Is More Important Then You’re Own Spine

You know that crunchy feeling when you’re non-reader friend just opens up the book and bends the spine like “damn it! This book is the portal to heaven I MUST OPEN IT EVEN MORE” Yes I’ve experienced that and I remember crying inside for a week. (I claim no truth of the final line of this paragraph)

5. You Want To Write A Book But You Don’t Write A Book

It’s peculiar how bibliophiles always revel in the thought of being published and having their names on kids walls I mean that would be great but sometimes some of us just aren’t cut out for it. But Bibliophiles never stop dreaming! (Doing is of slight chance)

6. You Sometimes Have Two Of The Same Book

One is for reading over and over again and the other is for display purposes on the glorious book shelf! Trust me, this is NOT OCD.

7. You Buy Books But Don’t Read Them, Collecting Them Perhaps

It’s true I believe. I’ve been to second hand bookshops and have come across brilliant books costing less than a McDonalds Burger and finding myself buying then storing them into my Book Cornucopia accepting that it will be lost there forever without me reading it again.

8. You’d Rather Read A Good Book Then Go To The Coolest Party In Town

I know that these days, the more parties you go to the cooler you be – not to mention popular. But bibliophiles prefer to stay at home against a warm fireplace reading a good book.

So there most probably is more, I’m still in an extensive research of myself trying to understand why we are who we are. But I’m pretty sure there’s more! I’d love to know! Helps a lot with what I’m trying to conjure here! Comment them down below!

I hope this was a fun read! Adios 🙂

[Being a Bibliophile is not bad at all, this was just written for humor and for fun!]

I Think She’s My Soul Mate

Okay, so most probably Mom (or Dad) would be reading this, so hi Mom! Or Dad. Not that I’m expecting them to see it, if at all costs I’d rather hide this blog in some sort online vault with the most complicated password but then again I’m not insinuating that I’m entirely embarrassed of confessing my feelings here on this blog post about the person that I’ll be talking about today or tonight, wherever YOU are around the world. I’m actually pretty excited to put this down into words. AND sorry for that really long sentence, grammatically wrong but I’d prefer to get the point out there.

Meeting your soul mate is most probably the rarest thing to happen, I mean it’s not everyday you get to meet a person literally, let me repeat that LITERALLY the same as you. Putting into context the different mother and father that participated into bringing a child to this earth given that both parents are mutually strangers, chances are that someone there actually thinks the same way as you do is pretty rad, and freaky at the same time (the good kind). Cooler (freakier) than that is that you actually meet them. For me, I met her in college, ironically in a course that I considered to be my soul mate. (It’s Architecture by the way *winks*)

Her name’s pretty cool, so cool that I decided to keep it a secret from you knobby fellows who steal names for no valid reason at all. Given (again) that such burglars of names exist, I’d rather keep my guard up and seal her name down to the bones. Davy Jones? Too deep. But here’s what I can say, it’s a lovely name.

I posted months ago about my ideal girl(friend) stating facts and truths existing deep in my heart and soul, you could read it here and to my astonishment she fit. She literally fit the category, and I wasn’t even looking for her! Would you believe that? Love that was never found, FOUND! She fit so good that if I were to have a perfect shoe size, she’d be the one! (She IS not a shoe so please, back off. In case you’re thinking that *grins*)

To simplify her into a list, I’d most probably have a huge grocery list of only the stuff I want and all of them I NEED, which is extra nice. Imagine having a divinely proportioned meal balancing junk food and veggies, it’s like having a gourmet meal three times a day!

But realistically speaking, she’s everything that I most probably want and NEED in the future. I’ve read somewhere online that most people find their life partners at around the ages of 16-18+ and I think I hit a gold mine. She most probably is! Not that I’m jumping into conclusions or anything, nor am I saying all of this without putting into account the left side of my brain, it’s just that the solution fits! Logically she’s the one, romantically she still is the one! What else could I ask for?

She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s pretty, she’s most probably the greatest architect I’ve ever met (will meet that is when we do both become architects!) and she’s so much like the golden section! Read more here. She’s a boy scout (Yes, not a girl scout. She’s one of the females who got that chance to be one in her batch and she took it! That is so cool!!!!!) and she is definitely more resourceful than me! She’s open minded, logical and adventurous. And so many things! She’s like a cave that I want to explore and see the treasures inside, she’s a paradise!

I most probably will be judged by my clouded perspective since common sense of today says that when you’re in love you don’t really take into account the bads but screw that, in economics scarcity doesn’t exist with me and her, and the opportunity vs cost between her and I tips to the left more than to the right. So yes, she’s my Soul Mate.

One thing about love is that, you can never give some. You give it in full or you don’t, you take a risk and see what happens. No one can predict the future, and besides love not given in full is like eating chicken half cooked, and that’s bad.

Let me ask, what’s your “kind” of soul mate?

Taking Risks

So I just had my breakfast a few minutes ago and right now, I’m in this internet cafe. My laptop broke down and I pretty much have nothing to type with, unless I wrote something down with pen and paper but what good would that be?

It’s been already three months into the whole “being responsible” thing, in other words “adulthood” albeit me being in an age, in general, shouldn’t be in but I find myself quite lucky anyway. And throughout these fruitful months, actually more fruitful than expected, I’ve learned a lot, from getting out and talking to people, surviving too, but I also understood the truth of taking risks.

I’m pretty sure your mom or dad, or best friend, or grandpa or whatever, advised that you take the leap of fate, or try something new for a change, but what I’m also sure that maybe you never understood the concept well, I mean I didn’t. Sure you must have tried something new, but is that truly a risk? Or did your dad just tell you to do it? And today, in this slightly cold cafe, I’ll try to break it down, while you keep in mind that I may not have the sharpest or let’s say the truest definition of risk taking.

Somewhere around my frequent internet adventures I’ve read that taking a risk means that you’ve chosen to do something you’re afraid to do and doing it anway, and I believe it is true! I mean what other reason would a risk be but for it to be ambiguous and unsure? But when do you know a risk is right, right? (Redundancy!)

There are so many things to take into account here, from my point of view at least. Let’s say you’re about to submit a project in a week’s time and you have this idea, to stand out perhaps, but it too is the lousiest way to go. But if you do it, is it a risk? Chances are it may fail, yes? I mean, it’s the worst thing you could do and that’s what you “want” to do, by doing it does it mean you take a risk? Well yes, but it’s a bad kind. Taking such risks I think pretty much takes away the beauty of taking risks, what’s the point if you just set yourself up for failure?

To me, taking risks is knowing that you have a great idea but realistically is too big for anyone to accomplish and the risk in it is that you’d do it anyway. And in relation to the “project” above, you take the risk to make something great, which would most probably take more than a week to make but you do it anyway. That’s what Risk is.

Risk is taking the leap of fate, knowing that something you’re about to do is greater than anyone could ever imagine, it may fail but you carry on anyway!

What about you? What’s your take on Risks? What advice can you give to those taking risks? Have any stories to tell? All your comments are welcome and are greatly appreciated! Until next time! ..

 

I’ve Been Having Questions.

 

Found on Google Images – http://favim.com/image/152072/

So it’s two months into the whole college thing and I’m already getting a full hang of it, living alone is definitely fun when you know what to do *wink* (Sorry for the bad joke.)

I kind of just came back from the local laundry shop to get my clothes cleaned, and bought some ice too on the way back and I’m here right now with a 1 Litre bottle filled with ice cold “Ice Tea” (By Nestea <– Greatest stuff!)

Okay, I’ve been having questions. It’s not much of a big deal nor was I in a pensive state when these things came up but I’ve been questioning existence. Yes, existence. It’s a weird phenomenon really, we walk this earth, do things like eat and talk may it be by a coffee shop or that place your friends loved to hang out it in, but why?

Why are we here? I don’t know. And that’s some depressing stuff. I’m not trying to be sacrilege here, I believe in a higher power but I was wondering why was there a creation? What’s beyond us? What’s there outside earth’s atmosphere? Again, I don’t know.

It’s a scary thing though, what’s beyond. We live normal here on earth, but it would be impossible if there were no other races or “kinds” of humanoids out there. Aliens maybe. A general question though, why are there other planets besides earth? If we are so sure about evolution and random creation, where did these planets come from? Someone must have created them. But, why?

Just like the stars, there are so many of them, we see them every night. But compared to the Sun to the Earth, the Earth is half. What do you think those stars are there for? The constellations, the orbits, all the epic stuff beyond us, what is there? I don’t know.

I’m pretty sure someone smarter than me must have figured that out, but the fact that simple things like the random thingamadoodles you see on the ground, may it be dust or pebbles – what was the origin of them? What was our origin? What is our purpose? I don’t know.

I think I’ve moved myself away from reality a bit to realize these and I think it’s a good thing. To conclude this, the beauty of life is that it is what it is. You don’t know what it is really, but in ourselves we know how to live and all we have to do is follow that. That deep meaning inside, and see what happens.