Family

I haven’t been writing a lot, especially last 2016, I’ve only put a few posts up here and it really has been a while. One cool thing that I realized was how long this blog has been up here. It’s 2017 and five years ago from now was the birth of this blog, that’s a LONG while. I never had any goal back then I just wanted to write and still up until now that has been its purpose. Writing truly is an art – instead of colors you manipulate words and ultimately like any piece of art create feeling and emotion through your work.

I’d like to talk about family. Today is the last day of my Christmas vacation – a twelve day span of bonding and goodness. Exactly an hour after now I’ll be taking an Uber to the airport and I’m off, back to Cebu where the grind is back on.

Cebu’s hectic I tell you, there is so much to do – every step I take puts me closer to my goal of becoming an architect, the only thing that pulls me back sometimes is the lack of family, I’m alone there – most of the time. Yeah yeah friends are great I’ve made precious relationships and I can really consider them family but “family” the true originals will never be the same.

My vacation here consisted of that, visiting and revisiting old memories and relatives – more or less it’s been a nostalgic ride to memory lane, where the old stayed old as if the last ten years never passed and the young grew up so fast for me to comprehend. Things change so quickly but despite time taking its toll nothing ever disconnected family.

I lived the past days in a condo unit my uncle owned, who lives in the US right now, with my brother and cousins. It was a great time getting to know their lives now and recall what it was years back – meeting their friends and just having a good time.

Ultimately I needed this, it was a break off what seemed to me a world that would never change, my reality – but to only realize that what I am going through is just another fantasy, my real world is where my family is.

By the way, Happy new year! Let’s smash 2017!

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I Think She’s My Soul Mate

Okay, so most probably Mom (or Dad) would be reading this, so hi Mom! Or Dad. Not that I’m expecting them to see it, if at all costs I’d rather hide this blog in some sort online vault with the most complicated password but then again I’m not insinuating that I’m entirely embarrassed of confessing my feelings here on this blog post about the person that I’ll be talking about today or tonight, wherever YOU are around the world. I’m actually pretty excited to put this down into words. AND sorry for that really long sentence, grammatically wrong but I’d prefer to get the point out there.

Meeting your soul mate is most probably the rarest thing to happen, I mean it’s not everyday you get to meet a person literally, let me repeat that LITERALLY the same as you. Putting into context the different mother and father that participated into bringing a child to this earth given that both parents are mutually strangers, chances are that someone there actually thinks the same way as you do is pretty rad, and freaky at the same time (the good kind). Cooler (freakier) than that is that you actually meet them. For me, I met her in college, ironically in a course that I considered to be my soul mate. (It’s Architecture by the way *winks*)

Her name’s pretty cool, so cool that I decided to keep it a secret from you knobby fellows who steal names for no valid reason at all. Given (again) that such burglars of names exist, I’d rather keep my guard up and seal her name down to the bones. Davy Jones? Too deep. But here’s what I can say, it’s a lovely name.

I posted months ago about my ideal girl(friend) stating facts and truths existing deep in my heart and soul, you could read it here and to my astonishment she fit. She literally fit the category, and I wasn’t even looking for her! Would you believe that? Love that was never found, FOUND! She fit so good that if I were to have a perfect shoe size, she’d be the one! (She IS not a shoe so please, back off. In case you’re thinking that *grins*)

To simplify her into a list, I’d most probably have a huge grocery list of only the stuff I want and all of them I NEED, which is extra nice. Imagine having a divinely proportioned meal balancing junk food and veggies, it’s like having a gourmet meal three times a day!

But realistically speaking, she’s everything that I most probably want and NEED in the future. I’ve read somewhere online that most people find their life partners at around the ages of 16-18+ and I think I hit a gold mine. She most probably is! Not that I’m jumping into conclusions or anything, nor am I saying all of this without putting into account the left side of my brain, it’s just that the solution fits! Logically she’s the one, romantically she still is the one! What else could I ask for?

She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s pretty, she’s most probably the greatest architect I’ve ever met (will meet that is when we do both become architects!) and she’s so much like the golden section! Read more here. She’s a boy scout (Yes, not a girl scout. She’s one of the females who got that chance to be one in her batch and she took it! That is so cool!!!!!) and she is definitely more resourceful than me! She’s open minded, logical and adventurous. And so many things! She’s like a cave that I want to explore and see the treasures inside, she’s a paradise!

I most probably will be judged by my clouded perspective since common sense of today says that when you’re in love you don’t really take into account the bads but screw that, in economics scarcity doesn’t exist with me and her, and the opportunity vs cost between her and I tips to the left more than to the right. So yes, she’s my Soul Mate.

One thing about love is that, you can never give some. You give it in full or you don’t, you take a risk and see what happens. No one can predict the future, and besides love not given in full is like eating chicken half cooked, and that’s bad.

Let me ask, what’s your “kind” of soul mate?

Moving On!

 Okay I guess this one maybe an impertinent and sudden topic, but it’s what I’m going through now, so yah, just move on!

Well a few months ago, I was devastated. Distance was a dreadful factor that applied to my previous relationship. I could have handled it, but there was another factor that took it’s part. My studies, her studies, my future and her’s, and one private matter that I cannot mention on this article for it would be grave, it would release darkness upon my life and cute dwarfs.

And during the time, I’ve spent weeks thinking and thinking, asking myself “Should I do it?” “Should I buy the blue pen? or the black pen?”

 It was two weeks in, during the meditation and reflection upon this matter, and I came to a conclusion. I decided to let my partner go, let her be prosperous without my observance, let her find love, better love from someone else, let her fly guiltless to whatever she does. It was a noble decision according to a friend of mine, I thought it was too. I needed her future to be well, and mine as well, and I didn’t want to battle against this “private matter” for it would, like I said, release darkness and cute dwarfs.

Two months after the sad occurrence, I’m here writing an article about it. I can say that I haven’t fully moved on yet. I still feel that loneliness and that “miss you” feel. But I dare not crack, for I wish not to decide or take on actions when lonely. I mean, throughout my life, I’ve been reckless with my decisions, and I made all of it while being under the spell of  “loneliness”, I wouldn’t want to repeat the mistake again.

At first when it happened,  it was happy go lucky for me, first month was like “oh goodness, I think I’ve moved on” and then a day after that month “oh damn, this sucks I haven’t moved on yet”

There was a time during this month, I was boasting to Norm (a friend) how free I was, how much I didn’t care anymore, how I “fully” moved on. He was glad for me of course, and just after he left, I saw my ex tweet something about a crush and things like that. From seeing that I suddenly felt my chest imploding, butterflies flew around my stomach, I was jealous.

And from that realization, I came to another conclusion that I didn’t fully move on yet. Moving on is hard, extremely hard, especially when you’ve sacrificed everything for the credibility of the opposite side, it just gets harder. Though the action was noble and brave, the consequences were daring.  You can never be away from jealousy and things like that.

Moving on is a tough feat but I’ve distracted myself by drowning my ears in music and brain with books, and now I found another hobby, blogging.  Though these small things would distract myself from the truth, the pieces of life, memories, and grandiose occasions with my past partner, shall never immediately die out.