Ivan 2.0


Hey there! this post marks the new age of writing for me on this blog. Last I checked the most recent piece was from a little bit more than a year ago, that was quite a while.

I began this blog initially to practice writing and through the years it slowly became a medium for me to express a little bit of my feelings going through life and figuring things out. I recall writing about my first experiences living alone, dealing with college life in a hectic course and just being confused about my emotions all in all.

Now roughly 6 years into the process I’ve finally found a way to grab life by its neck (I really genuinely feel that). I’m graduating from college very soon and I’ll eventually will be fending for myself. Looking back it’s amazing to see how much I’ve progressed as an individual, maybe not as much as others but to see movement in my being gives me confidence that life does get better.

Along with renaming the blog from “Ivan’s Brain” to “Ivan 2.0” I’ve simplified the site and added some small variations to make it a little bit different from the previous layout, made it more readable per say. I think it’s a good way to begin this new thing that’s going on in my life and I’m absolutely excited that I’ve regained some passion for writing again.

So to conclude this post, I want to say that I still am clueless of my future – clueless in a sense that I’m aware of the possibilities and I see that there are many, clueless out of curiosity if that makes any sense.

One take away from all these years that I have come to realize is – we must be fearless. I figured that achieving my dreams would be a difficult feat and it meant that I need to undergo multiple transformations to reach it and the only way to weather it is to be LITERALLY fearless (in a smart way of course).

You may be wondering why do I have a bike as header for this post – that’s actually one of my dream bikes, the Kawasaki Ninja 400 which I plan to have in the next few years. I can tell you with no FEAR – I WILL have that bike. Watch out for that blog post about it soon, thanks for reading!

Ninja 400_2.jpg



I haven’t been writing a lot, especially last 2016, I’ve only put a few posts up here and it really has been a while. One cool thing that I realized was how long this blog has been up here. It’s 2017 and five years ago from now was the birth of this blog, that’s a LONG while. I never had any goal back then I just wanted to write and still up until now that has been its purpose. Writing truly is an art – instead of colors you manipulate words and ultimately like any piece of art create feeling and emotion through your work.

I’d like to talk about family. Today is the last day of my Christmas vacation – a twelve day span of bonding and goodness. Exactly an hour after now I’ll be taking an Uber to the airport and I’m off, back to Cebu where the grind is back on.

Cebu’s hectic I tell you, there is so much to do – every step I take puts me closer to my goal of becoming an architect, the only thing that pulls me back sometimes is the lack of family, I’m alone there – most of the time. Yeah yeah friends are great I’ve made precious relationships and I can really consider them family but “family” the true originals will never be the same.

My vacation here consisted of that, visiting and revisiting old memories and relatives – more or less it’s been a nostalgic ride to memory lane, where the old stayed old as if the last ten years never passed and the young grew up so fast for me to comprehend. Things change so quickly but despite time taking its toll nothing ever disconnected family.

I lived the past days in a condo unit my uncle owned, who lives in the US right now, with my brother and cousins. It was a great time getting to know their lives now and recall what it was years back – meeting their friends and just having a good time.

Ultimately I needed this, it was a break off what seemed to me a world that would never change, my reality – but to only realize that what I am going through is just another fantasy, my real world is where my family is.

By the way, Happy new year! Let’s smash 2017!

The Overthinker

That’s me. Like crap I overthink like crazy – i hate it. Someone comments on a post boom instantly pops up on that and starts thinking of some reply back. Thinking’s good but going over that? a big NO. It’s so damn annoying when every little thing has to have some meaning or every little task has a multitude of outcomes in my head, great I’m analytical – but too much analysis just drives me crazy.

I remember thinking that this blog would be my personal diary and for a week I straight off posted everyday. Looking at it now it’s more of like a place to just let go of all the emotions I’m feeling. If you know me and we’ve never talked – this is as personal as you can get to knowing me without actually putting effort to knowing who I am.

Lastly, I overthink to the point where I think this is actually stupid and how many people would actually think it is just because it’s so “easy” to walk away from. I say they don’t think enough.

Thanks for reading this short!

Taking Risks

So I just had my breakfast a few minutes ago and right now, I’m in this internet cafe. My laptop broke down and I pretty much have nothing to type with, unless I wrote something down with pen and paper but what good would that be?

It’s been already three months into the whole “being responsible” thing, in other words “adulthood” albeit me being in an age, in general, shouldn’t be in but I find myself quite lucky anyway. And throughout these fruitful months, actually more fruitful than expected, I’ve learned a lot, from getting out and talking to people, surviving too, but I also understood the truth of taking risks.

I’m pretty sure your mom or dad, or best friend, or grandpa or whatever, advised that you take the leap of fate, or try something new for a change, but what I’m also sure that maybe you never understood the concept well, I mean I didn’t. Sure you must have tried something new, but is that truly a risk? Or did your dad just tell you to do it? And today, in this slightly cold cafe, I’ll try to break it down, while you keep in mind that I may not have the sharpest or let’s say the truest definition of risk taking.

Somewhere around my frequent internet adventures I’ve read that taking a risk means that you’ve chosen to do something you’re afraid to do and doing it anway, and I believe it is true! I mean what other reason would a risk be but for it to be ambiguous and unsure? But when do you know a risk is right, right? (Redundancy!)

There are so many things to take into account here, from my point of view at least. Let’s say you’re about to submit a project in a week’s time and you have this idea, to stand out perhaps, but it too is the lousiest way to go. But if you do it, is it a risk? Chances are it may fail, yes? I mean, it’s the worst thing you could do and that’s what you “want” to do, by doing it does it mean you take a risk? Well yes, but it’s a bad kind. Taking such risks I think pretty much takes away the beauty of taking risks, what’s the point if you just set yourself up for failure?

To me, taking risks is knowing that you have a great idea but realistically is too big for anyone to accomplish and the risk in it is that you’d do it anyway. And in relation to the “project” above, you take the risk to make something great, which would most probably take more than a week to make but you do it anyway. That’s what Risk is.

Risk is taking the leap of fate, knowing that something you’re about to do is greater than anyone could ever imagine, it may fail but you carry on anyway!

What about you? What’s your take on Risks? What advice can you give to those taking risks? Have any stories to tell? All your comments are welcome and are greatly appreciated! Until next time! ..


How To BE Brave?

Bravery, to me it’s some sort of thing that happens. Some are born with it, some are not, and some may still wait for it to come to them. What really grinds my gears about this is that, I myself may not be fully brave, or let’s say Spiderman*slash*Superman kinda brave, inhuman kind. I was watching a horror movie with a close friend (and finished it just a few minutes before writing this), it was called “Horror Mama” or maybe just “Mama”. I’d really like to tell you about it but I don’t think I can, I really just, like really really just want to forget about it. It was weird. But then again bravery, what is it? How do you be brave? Here’s my slice on it.

To me I guess bravery is continuing on when you don’t want to, but because of fear. Well it’s a “duh” for that, I mean isn’t it already obvious? But a question I really want an answer for is, how do you separate yourself from what’s “real” and what’s “not”. Let’s take it into perspective shall we. That movie I just watched a few minutes ago had characters obviously out of this world, but there’s a feeling inside that it could be real. I’m literally nonetheless automatically putting myself into the situation of the oh so unfortunate protagonists affected by the damn weird creature, in that movie of course. But we all know that it won’t happen. So why? Or How? How do you get yourself to believe that a movie is just a movie, and whatever happens to a movie stays in the movie, which reminds me.. “What stays in Vegas, stays in Vegas” Or maybe it was said some other way, I don’t know.

So, what are some ways to be brave? Or perhaps even, HOW to be brave? Your comments are highly appreciated! Until next time!

[And just in case you were wondering where I got these bad ass quotes, type in on Google Images “bravery quotes tumblr” Tumblr has everything!]

I’ve Been Having Questions.


Found on Google Images – http://favim.com/image/152072/

So it’s two months into the whole college thing and I’m already getting a full hang of it, living alone is definitely fun when you know what to do *wink* (Sorry for the bad joke.)

I kind of just came back from the local laundry shop to get my clothes cleaned, and bought some ice too on the way back and I’m here right now with a 1 Litre bottle filled with ice cold “Ice Tea” (By Nestea <– Greatest stuff!)

Okay, I’ve been having questions. It’s not much of a big deal nor was I in a pensive state when these things came up but I’ve been questioning existence. Yes, existence. It’s a weird phenomenon really, we walk this earth, do things like eat and talk may it be by a coffee shop or that place your friends loved to hang out it in, but why?

Why are we here? I don’t know. And that’s some depressing stuff. I’m not trying to be sacrilege here, I believe in a higher power but I was wondering why was there a creation? What’s beyond us? What’s there outside earth’s atmosphere? Again, I don’t know.

It’s a scary thing though, what’s beyond. We live normal here on earth, but it would be impossible if there were no other races or “kinds” of humanoids out there. Aliens maybe. A general question though, why are there other planets besides earth? If we are so sure about evolution and random creation, where did these planets come from? Someone must have created them. But, why?

Just like the stars, there are so many of them, we see them every night. But compared to the Sun to the Earth, the Earth is half. What do you think those stars are there for? The constellations, the orbits, all the epic stuff beyond us, what is there? I don’t know.

I’m pretty sure someone smarter than me must have figured that out, but the fact that simple things like the random thingamadoodles you see on the ground, may it be dust or pebbles – what was the origin of them? What was our origin? What is our purpose? I don’t know.

I think I’ve moved myself away from reality a bit to realize these and I think it’s a good thing. To conclude this, the beauty of life is that it is what it is. You don’t know what it is really, but in ourselves we know how to live and all we have to do is follow that. That deep meaning inside, and see what happens.


Wearing Uniforms And Living Life

Uniforms are cool. Like really cool. NOT. But at least for tomorrow it is, and that’s for me. My friends and I formed a pack that we’d all wear uniforms tomorrow even though it’d be fourteen days early (14 <– In case you need it numerical) and it’s somewhat exciting. Just a week ago I tried it on after picking it up from the school’s uniform “lounge” (which is basically a hallway filled with random custom tailors that make uniforms for you) and man, I looked cool. Cool as ice!

That’s the uniforms bit but the real highlight of this blog post is about Life. I mean, what can I say about life? Not much really, I’m just seventeen. But the recent events that I’ve created and attended to gave me some sort of revelation. A few hours ago I pretty much commuted almost 3/4 of Cebu City just to get our Design 1 class project done with and it was fruitful. Literally fruitful. Fruits were raining everywhere, especially mangoes, a LOT of mangoes fell down from the earth. It’s like Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs all over again, but the meatballs part would be fruit. Kidding! (I loved that movie!)

Don’t we all want to know?

So back to the story. I pretty much had myself to myself despite my buddy with me, I was just me. No one controlled me, just me. There were no boundaries as to what I wanted to do, the only limit I could achieve is the one I created for myself. Which made me understand the whole purpose of independence or the free will that God gave us. It’s weird really, really weird. I’m not sure for you guys, but it just feels so different. I’m sure if you’re around my age or younger, most of the things you do are either motivated by rebellion or your parents, which to you could either be bad for one, or both. To me my motivation is me. Pretty much just me. My family too! But not the kind of motivation where you have to do it because of the mere requisite of doing it, maybe because your mom told you or your dad, or because you’re scared to become a nobody in the future which by the way I find pathetic if someone does believe it. It’s kind of hypocritical, you fear of being a nobody, when the act of thinking just that makes you just it. One of “them”.

But what really drives me is purpose now, instead of someone else. Just a year back, living with my parents, the only thing that got me waking up in the morning to go to school was Dad’s anger, or Mom’s schedule (She never wanted to arrive late to her School; she’s a teacher by the way), but right now I just feel like I want to do it. I want it because I think it’s practical, or I just really want to do it.

Conclusion. I’ve learnt how to live life. Now all I have to do is get this college thing over with flying colors (which the Nuns back in my High School said all the time!) and Live (-liv).

So whoever you are, maybe a random person or a blogger on WordPress or whatever, share your thoughts! What have you learnt from life? Or what do you think you’ll be getting into in the future? Comment those goodies down below!

*All images used in this blog post are taken from Google Images and is no way made by myself. Credits goes to all those who created them.